Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Tom B. Uncovers Zionist Conspiracy

Tom B. over at Oyster River Community Resource inadvertently stumbled on our secret plan:
Just for a moment, let’s conduct a little thought experiment: if Barth published a letter demanding that a Jewish candidate provide reassurance that he would not use his elected position to advance the worldwide Zionist conspiracy, would our community not rise up in righteous indignation to condemn his anti-Semitism? 

I don't know how he did it, but he found us out.  I suppose we couldn't keep the secret forever. ORCSDcleanslate has issued the following statement.

for immediate release

ORCSDcleanslate is proud to announce step one of our plan for worldwide Zionist domination: the Yiddification of Oyster River. From now on it will be called Oy River. School lunch will be kasha, k'nishes, maybe a little stuffed cabbage. And it would kill you to call your mother? 
We read Oyster River Community Resource. We said oy gevalt, oy vey iz mir, and oh come on.  So from this day forward we will call it as OyC'mon. Mazel Tov.  
We will continue the rest of the statement in our native Yinglish. 
Tom, boychical, again with the fakakta blog? We're all futumult.  It takes a real meshuginah to kvetch that a mensch like Dr. Barth is a bigot.  Feh.  He's a doctor. Kina hura, his Zadie and Bubbie must be kvelling.  Eleben zien kopf.    And don't forget, his wife's a big macher.
You're all shpilkis, relax. Lose the shtickt and stop haken a tshenik.  With your shayna punim you shouldn't know from such tsuris. Come in, have a little nosh. Chopped liver, whitefish, some nova from Katz's. Eat, you look thin. Kina hura.


  1. I gotta hand it to you, Dean. This is hilarious...well done!

  2. It was a rare chance for me to channel my long gone grandma. Thanks for taking it in good humor. - Dean